Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
On behalf of ourselves, we ask you to take a moment to think about S.P.E.R.M and give generously.
S.P.E.R.M stands for the Society for the Protection of the Extremely Retarded Magazine publisher.
These people (us) need your help - often Extremely Retarded Magazine publishers live terrible lives, having to ask for free drinks where ever they (we) go, living with the constant knowledge that they (we) can't really operate cameras and are often illiterate - but still need to produce substandard tripe for each issue of there (our) incoherent and out of focus, downward spiralling magazine(s). With your help we can spread the essence of S.P.E.R.M all over the place and help these (us) poor souls to continue with their (our) pathetic enterprise. Feel free to share our S.P.E.R.M with as many people as you can. S.P.E.R.M needs a hand from you to get the job done - the best way to help these fuck-tards is to buy a copy of OnePercent either from their (our) online store, from a bookstore near you (ha ha ha!) or by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org - T shirts and stickers are also available. S.P.E.R.M covers the world so when considering, S.P.E.R.M please give generously.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Lord Of The Rings and Hobbit director Peter Jackson has today expressed outrage at local hard rock stalwarts Head Like A Hole after viewing their latest music video for the song Monsta X. Jackson says "these cunts have stolen all my secrets, you don't have to be particularly smart to see that many of the filming techniques are text book Jackson, textbook me. Frankly, I feel used, betrayed and angry. What is really worrying is that if these clowns can make a work of art like this, that let's face it - will be more popular than Rings and Hobbit put together, what's left for me and my career? I'm going down to the dole office this morning to sign on - I'm washed up, it's over". Head Like A Hole band spokesman Nigel "Booger" Beazley responded to Jackson's comments late yesterday by saying "If Pete's got a problem he should just, you know, give me a fuckin' call man... - fuckin' Hobbit was too long anyway bro. Pete's gotta realise three minutes and 19 seconds is plenty long enough for any movie. Get with the program ya rich cunt".
Thursday, May 2, 2013
This is Ran Maclurkin's Ruiners Shovelhead - take a long look at it and understand temptation.
The other thing I was thinking is what is with all the erectile dis-function ads on the radio? Anyone would think no one was getting a rigid doodle without Viagra??? Just $2 a day they say it costs. If you were saving up $2 a day for Viagra I reckon you'd call the place you kept the money a dickey bank rather than a piggy bank right? Save your money, look at Ran's bike and throw your dickey bank out the window. Does that sound hard? It will be.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
So Dave McNeil walks up to me at the Blowout and tells me he has something for me - I take the micro flim and complete the mission. Hot Rod espionage is so fun!
55 Ford Popular, 48 Ford Mercury engine, gearbox and rear axel. Engine bored .060" and reconditioned. Alloy heads - otherwise stock. Engine mid mounted rear of dashboard. Drive shaft and torque tube shortened, rear axel bolted direct to chassis. straight pipes from manifolds to rear - no front brakes. "A group of us bought the merc un Matamata and drove it home - we only wanted the engine for another project but project was never finished. Decided to try the V8 in the middle of the Pop - minimal work on engine mounts and extra cross members to fit it in. Interior panels of galvanised sheet metal for firewall etc. Entry via left hand door to ex aircraft seat in right rear over axel. It's only outing was a TVCC quarter mile at Te Kawana Rd in Te Aroha in October 68. best time of 18.3 seconds - a one run wonder - Ian McLeod"
This poor chap has no arms or head or anything below the waist - please give generously. We have new stock of the "Manky" T shirts - black only and sizes medium, large and XL. $40 - email me at email@example.com to get one. New batch of stickers in stock too - $1 each.