Thursday, May 30, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
"Hi, yes - I'd like to buy a Chevy Biscayne please - yes I realise that's the budget option for 1966, can I also order it WITHOUT power steering. What? No, no I wouldn't like power brakes. No, I wouldn't like four doors - two will be fine. Yes the front bench seat would be great and I will get the M21 manual option too please and um... could I get the 427 cubic inch 425 horsepower engine please? Hello?" Mark Barton's 1966 Chevrolet Biscayne L72 - rare as rocking horse shit and much more fun to sit in! Full feature in the elusive issue 8 of OnePercent magazine.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
On behalf of ourselves, we ask you to take a moment to think about S.P.E.R.M and give generously.
S.P.E.R.M stands for the Society for the Protection of the Extremely Retarded Magazine publisher.
These people (us) need your help - often Extremely Retarded Magazine publishers live terrible lives, having to ask for free drinks where ever they (we) go, living with the constant knowledge that they (we) can't really operate cameras and are often illiterate - but still need to produce substandard tripe for each issue of there (our) incoherent and out of focus, downward spiralling magazine(s). With your help we can spread the essence of S.P.E.R.M all over the place and help these (us) poor souls to continue with their (our) pathetic enterprise. Feel free to share our S.P.E.R.M with as many people as you can. S.P.E.R.M needs a hand from you to get the job done - the best way to help these fuck-tards is to buy a copy of OnePercent either from their (our) online store, from a bookstore near you (ha ha ha!) or by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org - T shirts and stickers are also available. S.P.E.R.M covers the world so when considering, S.P.E.R.M please give generously.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Lord Of The Rings and Hobbit director Peter Jackson has today expressed outrage at local hard rock stalwarts Head Like A Hole after viewing their latest music video for the song Monsta X. Jackson says "these cunts have stolen all my secrets, you don't have to be particularly smart to see that many of the filming techniques are text book Jackson, textbook me. Frankly, I feel used, betrayed and angry. What is really worrying is that if these clowns can make a work of art like this, that let's face it - will be more popular than Rings and Hobbit put together, what's left for me and my career? I'm going down to the dole office this morning to sign on - I'm washed up, it's over". Head Like A Hole band spokesman Nigel "Booger" Beazley responded to Jackson's comments late yesterday by saying "If Pete's got a problem he should just, you know, give me a fuckin' call man... - fuckin' Hobbit was too long anyway bro. Pete's gotta realise three minutes and 19 seconds is plenty long enough for any movie. Get with the program ya rich cunt".
Thursday, May 2, 2013
This is Ran Maclurkin's Ruiners Shovelhead - take a long look at it and understand temptation.
The other thing I was thinking is what is with all the erectile dis-function ads on the radio? Anyone would think no one was getting a rigid doodle without Viagra??? Just $2 a day they say it costs. If you were saving up $2 a day for Viagra I reckon you'd call the place you kept the money a dickey bank rather than a piggy bank right? Save your money, look at Ran's bike and throw your dickey bank out the window. Does that sound hard? It will be.